Compelling, part 2

So at just 10 weeks of pregnancy, I knew something was wrong. I had been taking a walk pushing Kaytlynn in the stroller and began to feel the trickle. I made it home, cleaned myself up and called the doctor. Into the clinic and then after the ultrasound, the doctor said everything looked fine. She told me that it was unusual to see this early but she was very confident we were having a boy! The excitement was muted by…take it easy and be careful. You cant bleed like this any length of time or your baby probably wont make it.

Just a couple of days later on a Friday, something changed in me. I began to gush. It frightened me terribly and I rushed myself to the clinic again. For some reason my doctor wasn’t there and another Dr. was filling in. She could clearly see that something wasn’t right. After examining me, she showed me a sample and said that what she had was a portion of fetal tissue and I was passing my fetus. She was going to have me do blood work so she could track the hormone levels and I would have to come back on Monday for a D&C as well as more blood work to compare to. She left for a moment and then came back. I was trying to be strong but I could feel the warmth in my body rising. Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn’t speak. She looked at me with irritation and confusion. She questioned me ” are you upset?” I said, “Well yes, we are talking about my baby”. At that moment she began to try to explain away my fetus. She told me that because I wasn’t 12 weeks along, it wasn’t really a baby anyway and I could always try again. I was dumbfounded. I know many people are of that opinion but to tell that to me in my moment of loss was painful.

I left that afternoon with great sadness. Upon returning home, I continued to gush. I was managing my symptoms and still in so much shock. I believe it was later that night when I called a much wiser friend of mine who had medical experience. She suggested that I could die from my symptoms and I really needed to go back to the hospital so they could monitor me. She suggested I go directly to the ER.

The ER was very concerned for me and was glad that I had made the decision to come in. They were not comfortable with my levels and wanted to monitor me. They realized immediately that my symptoms were extreme. The doctor was much more gentle and empathized with my sadness. At some point during the examination, he checked my belly with the stethoscope. He heard a heartbeat! Remember, the last physician had shown me a piece of fetal tissue. The doctor was rather shocked and then told me that even if there was a chance the baby was still alive, by Monday he would pass as he wouldn’t be able to handle the stress of the condition of my body bleeding.

At least one of the pastors from our church Horizon Community Church in Tualatin, came by to pray with me and to be with me. I went home that night with instructions of complete bed rest and to check in with my doctor on Monday. TBC

Compelling me to keep ’em

While so many of our belongings have been purged there are traces of our treasures that still are under review and scrutiny. Tonight was a box that I have not wanted to open. I’m not exactly sure but for some reason I have equated the contents with my memories, as if the memories would go when I let the box go. In the spirit of our cleanse and being willing to live in a smaller space, it was time to make the review. Shane pulled the box from our storage garage and I plopped down in the middle of the family room. I called to my children to come take a look. I opened the lid to find some of the sweetest tiny little blue outfits. Kaytlynn and Harrison began to ooh and ah. Harrison asked, “whose are those?”

He was shocked to hear me say that they were his when he was a baby! I guess it is strange to have these perfectly tiny little clothes in my closet, moved from house to house for all of this time. We agreed to go through the outfits one my one and pick a few of our favorites to save but we certainly didn’t need the 30 plus outfits for under 12 months of age. He delighted me when he suggested we share some with the babies in Ethiopia. Oh yes, Harrison! I thought I could wash them up and see how they looked. Some of the clothing with white was starting to discolor. A little soak in Biz should do the trick.

I began to reminisce about Harrison’s birth and walking through pregnancy with him. Harrison’s life is absolutely a miracle. A twinge of guilt overcomes me as I try to remember the specifics. I am sure I can’t possibly get them all right but I should be able to capture the spirit of the story. Maybe holding onto his clothes was my way of waiting to part with the story. It is time, time to remember and write as much as I can possibly remember.

Most everything was delightfully exciting and wonderful until about week 10. It was then that we knew something was wrong. To be continued…

42 days to go…the world is shrinking

One of the fantastic experiences of being exposed to Ethiopia and gaining a renewed passion for helping, is all of the connections that keep popping in my path. It doesn’t feel like a coincidence. It began with the whole house garage/Craig’s List sale. It seemed like almost everyone who came to purchase something, people who knew nothing of my passions, had some connection with Africa. Many with Ethiopia.

Today is no exception. Shane has been a wonderful support to me and is very excited about our family trip coming up. I mean come on, he was willing to move our family into an “Ethiopian Mansion” when he didn’t have to. No elaborate trip to Cancun or Maui, but a trip across the world to Ethiopia and the dump with the proceeds from selling most all of our personal belongings. Whatever didn’t fit in the apartment, had to go! BUT, he certainly doesn’t live and breathe it like I do. I had him drive me around in NE Portland one night just to see if we could see any signs of Ethiopian culture. We did find a wonderful market where I can by injera and spices.

So back to my experience of today. I met a man named Alex who is Shane’s most recent new hire. Guess where Alex is from? Addis Abab Ethiopia. Can you believe it? He won the US lottery, which I didn’t know even existed, for a 10 year long term Visa. I just got to meet him today for the first time so I have not grilled him yet on all of the questions I want to ask him! Shane tells me I have to be professional and offer restraint! Okay…so I am trying to be professional as possible but I am so excited I can’t hardly stand it. Alex has been here about 8 months and told me he would go with us on our next trip to be our translator! Next trip meaning after the December trip, after all he was just hired and can’t ask for time off yet. What are the odds???? Certainly God is smiling down on us. He must have a great sense of humor! This story is TBC (to be continued!).

Montessori part 2, my heart is full

PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION…THE BUS STATION

So what did I share?

ETHIOPIAN GROCERY STORE

ETHIOPIAN HOUSE

My favorite Shoe Shine Boy who should have been in School

I was so blessed by their teacher, Kathy Fisher. She was great and capturing their attention and reiterating the points I was trying to make. I could tell she was so excited for us to be there and worked hard to make us feel welcome.

Finally we finished by reading the first chapter of “Take Your Best Shot”. It is written from a 9 year old boys perspective. He watched a World Vision video about a little girl Maggie and decided he was going to make a difference. The first chapter is about his “Maggie Moment”. I commissioned the children to let this be there Maggie Moment and to really decide to make a difference in the world.

I am hoping to stay in touch with the class…to check back in with them once more before my trip and then again after. I am so thankful that a friend of mine, Claudia, connected me with Cathy and helped to make this happen. More to come…

Montesorri School Tomorrow! Ethiopia Fact of the Day

10:15AM tomorrow morning I will be speaking to my first group of students regarding Ethiopia. Twenty-four 2nd graders have no idea what they are in for! The best of marketing and Jr. High youth leader meets passionate business girl with props and walla…a fabulous presentation! I will give you the “rest of the story” tomorow as to the reality of this fabulous presentation! Tabatha used my pictures from the July trip and produced a fabulous power point presentation. I have lots of words to share-I love words. After the power point we have planned stations of ethiopian food/Ingera, shoe shining work experience, hand made items to touch and coloring pictures. Then a little story time from the book Lisa shared with my kids called “Take your Best Shot”. I am so thankful for the opportunity to share with the students and their parents. Something exciting is in the air!
My favorite fact of the day to share about Ethiopia vs. the USA is:
Ethiopia has less than one third the population of the United States but Ehtiopia represents at least 7 languages. No single language represents more than one third of what the Ethiopian population speaks. Quite a bit of diversity by dialect and language. None of these languages are common to us such as Spanish or French, etc.
Source:The World Fact Book 2010

A teaspoon VS. the Horder’s House

I was trying to describe to a friend how overwhelming it feels when you think about the need, my desire to help and the gravity of the circumstances in Ethiopia. Imagine the worst Hoarders TV show edition you have seen. Then, picture yourself standing in front of the house with a teaspoon as your only tool, the crew has graciously allowed you to help out, the only catch is you get only 10 minutes! Holy cow, what could you do in a Horders house in 10 minutes? As noted in previous post, I would probably just start gagging…Seriously, it is overwhelming. Would be so much easier to bow out, to pass by the house, to watch someone else try, to give my condolences etc. Despite all of that, I feel compelled to give the best 10 minutes I can possibly give. I have chosen to go in with eyes wide open and to Embrace Compassion for the city. I am choosing to allow my heart to be vulnerable. The people are by far to valuable. What they have to offer me in relationship, in love, in learning from their strength and their heart it too much to pass up. I will take my 10 minutes and LOVE and be LOVED. Kind of takes the pressure off. I mean, really all I can do is make myself available and then see what God does with it. Then I get to thinking…what if I had 100 friend, 500 friends who all gave 10 minutes. If we had a plan, went as a team, worked in groups, used our unique tools no matter how big or how small…then we might even make a dent on that Horders house…or the poverty and sickness in Ethiopia. Consider it.

so bummed…Love in a Ziplock bag

Just found out the package that I thought was being sent overnight on Friday wont be arriving until Tuesday. Tuesday is too late. Sweet Ashli will already be on her flight and in the air. I know I should have gotten it out earlier. It is just that there are so many details going on every day and I thought I was in the clear. I dropped the ball. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I’m beginning to love our Ethiopian boys as if they are our own children. Yes it is different, but at the same time it isn’t. They are our sponsored boys from the Project 61 ministry. We think of them as adopted, just staying at the boarding school in their own country. I just wanted them to have cards from Kaytlynn and Harrison. Some gum, pencils and new school pictures. Nothing that will save a life. Just LOVE sent in a Ziploc bag. I just want them to know we love them, that we are praying for them, that they are on our mind and…I want them to know that we will be with them for Christmas! It is a bit like sending a message in a bottle. Just bummed…my heart is sad.

Flea Obliteration Drama

So in case anyone was curious on the outcome…the flea killer showed up today. It took about 2 hours to prep, get everything that we could off the ground, out from under the beds and then vacuum thoroughly. We now will vacuum everyday for 10 days and continue to clean out the vacuum. We also have some other natural remedies that have been generously shared by friends and some special spray shared by Jessica. So I am having faith despite the comment on the card that was left that it will probably fail because we didn’t take everything out of our closets. Seriously? Everything out of the closets too? Where do you put everything from under the beds and out of the closets in a tiny little apartment? By faith…no more fleas please!

Toughen up, dont be afraid to Gag! 52 days to go

I keep thinking preparation…How do I prepare myself for the unpreparable?

I am so excited to see and love on the people. The women and the children grab my heart like nothing I can explain. The food is kind of weird sometimes and good others, I could take it or leave it but it doesn’t stress me. I generally am not afraid of getting sick. I am not worried about crime or something happening to me. The travel is long but it isn’t worse than a marathon.

My only fear, at least for the time being is, loosing it. Full on smell or site induced chucking your lunch without any control. Not motion sick, not sick sick but the waive of nausea that comes from sights and sounds that are just over the top.

I feel very drawn to Korah, the trash dump outside of Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. We will be spending days there if at all possible. I can barely take my own trash out or wipe out the can. I can not even help with my own kids getting sick or barely left over food. Not that I’m not tough or too princess like, I just begin to uncontrollably loose myself.

Is there a way to toughen up? I’m trying. I keep sniffing nasty stuff to see if I can mentally control my heaving. Why would I have such an intense desire to be with people in such a terrible place but not even be able to control my own body? I heart Korah.

My Life is a Science Experiment.

My 11 year old, Kaytlynn, has been working feverishly on a fabulous experiment. It seemed natural because she likes to bake to do something in the kitchen. She chose to make from scratch two yellow cakes with all of the ingredients controlled as well as the baking conditions. She made only one slight change to the recipe. 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda was omitted in the second cake. As a good scientist would, she observed each step.

1. the ingredients looked the same
2. the batter looked, smelled, tasted the same
3. not surprisingly the difference was in the baking

There was a big bubble on one side, the cake was difficult to get out of the pan, it crumbled on one side and was like a rubber solid chunk instead of a fluffy cake.

I began to compare the experiment to my own life. Maybe on the surface I might look the same to my peeps. I smile, I’m kind, I say nice things. No one may suspect until I’m baked…under pressure. What if that little ingredient that is missing is love… the perfect love of Jesus. The secret is to put the love in ahead of time. One you are under pressure, there isn’t time to throw in the missing ingredient.